Car Insurance My Big Foot!
Iím a clown, and Iím tired of hearing
all the clown bashing that goes on these days. I donít appreciate
the jokes and I donít buy into the stereotypes. Okay, I do have big
feet, a bulbous nose and a slightly out-of-proportion appreciation
of baggy pants and lapel flowers that squirt water into the eyes of
the unwary, but that doesnít make me a bad guy. Heck, Iím a good
guy. I perform a valuable service. I make people laugh. Most people,
anyway. There are a few people who claim to be deathly afraid of
clowns. To those people I gently suggest: get over it, freaks!
What do you want? Clowns are not gentle creatures. Itís not in our
It is in our nature, however, to drive around with as many of us as
possible squeezed into the smallest vehicle available. Why? Because
27 clowns in a Toyota Prius is funny. (Of course, 28 is even
Now, you would think that someone
whose shoe size is 28 quadruple E would have trouble controlling a
clown-stuffed vehicle. You would be right. So it should come as no
surprise that, while driving around with several of my best friends
recently, I got into a little fender bender.
We had just finished a performance and we were headed to the local
Taco Bell for 28 bean burritos and a diet coke with 28 straws. As we
pulled up to the drive through, everyone started digging in their
pockets for loose change to pay for the food. Paying with change is
always hilarious. Just as I got to the window, we experienced inside
the vehicle what is known in the clown business as ďthe domino
effectĒ. Someoneís elbow hit someoneís head which bumped someoneís
kneecap which nudged someoneís ribcage which caused someone to
inhale suddenly which made someone pass gas which knocked my foot
from the brake pedal to the gas. The car lurched forward and hit the
BMW that had just pulled away from the drive through which in turn
ran into the Mercedes in front of it which jumped the curb and
knocked over a fire hydrant, sending water streaming 50 feet into
Needless to say, everyone in the Prius was mighty impressed with my
The cop who showed up a few minutes later was not equally impressed.
And, in retrospect, when he asked to see my driverís license, it may
not have been a good idea to present him with a toilet seat.
Luckily, he didnít have 28 pairs of handcuffs handy or we all might
have been in a bit of a pickle. As it was, once I showed him my real
license and explained that I had purchased temporary car insurance
because, when youíre a clown, this kind of thing happens regularly,
he let us all off with a warning.
Between you and me, I think that cop might have been a little afraid